.cruel to be kind [entries|friends|calendar] gRacieLuu [ website | My Website ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

__reality check [23 Apr 2007|01:50am] [ mood | scared ] "food is probably the first thing i think about during the day... its almost euphoric...why do i feel so wrong...it depresses me" i should be studying for my patho final thats tomrrow; but for some reason i do not have the urge to sit my ass down at start reviewing my notes... so im sitting in my bed; tv on, ceiling fan on && laptop on my pillow... while i flip through these channels; i end up on a network that i usually watch when I have time; && honest to god; the show that so happens to be on is scarring me.... like its like a quote unquote blow-to-the-gut; i can feel the tears start at the corners of my eyes because this is becoming such a major factor in most peoples lives.... there is not one day that goes bye when people are emphasizing the importance of this... or how to lose that... or how its wrong to have too much of this...&& how its wrong && disgusting like; i SHOULD do something to change my attitudes towards this; but like i know it wont stop not unless i start doing something for myself... which i start and stop... its an ongoing cycle..one i know i could control....but sometimes i lose my grip && dont try && regain it back... like i kno its bad... i try to stop really i do but sometimes.... it feels that im trying to talk about it... yet no one is listening.... post comment

theory class [06 Feb 2007|02:03pm] [ mood | bored ] ok; so imhere sitting in my corner; letting the laptop run on ac power so my battery doesnt go bye bye on me; anywho today was my panal presentation on fatigue; i think i talke too fast; but hey we have only 5 minutes to do it; so i said what i had to say; && booyah done and done; hopefully i did alright =S aaaaaaaaannnywho im bored; && im tired of this teacher using me as an example because my laptop is plugged in something about how people are like batteries nd we need recharging lalalalala she knows im on the internet; cuz she even said that in order to use word and surf the internet u waste more battery so u should be plugged in and lalalala so yes... in sociology class today i was looking at piercings with kristine.... hmmmm do i feel like getting something on reading week? no? yes? welll.... the real question is.... what is LEFT to pierce? hahahahah well i can conpensate; my mommy told me i cant get anymore {but she doesnt kno about the nipnip} so... i can remove some of the ones in my ears; and get someone else =) hmmmmmmm i unno what i want... nothing facial....cuz i cant get my nose; cuz i sneeze alot cuz of allergies & cant do the rest cuz mommy will see..... post comment

cor.... [02 Feb 2007|07:07pm] [ mood | shocked ] Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe is to appear on the London stage next year, playing a stable boy who has an erotic relationship with his horses.... all i have to say is... "whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa...." fuck man; whats happening to people these days first firecrotches everywhere.... now harry potter is fucking HORSES.... KAY..... oh mah gaaaaaaaaaaaah =S i COULD post a picture... but who the fuck wants to see harry naked with a horse 1 comment|post comment

i miss you [22 Jan 2007|10:52pm] January 22nd, 1997 its been 10 years since he took you away from me.... && i miss you everyday; this day changed my life; i really didn't know i can miss someone so much before... you never got the chance to see me cry for you you never got the chance to see me get confirmed you never got the chance to see me graduate elementary school you never got the chance to see me get my first job you never got the chance to see me cry for you you never got the chance to see me in my high school uniform you never got the chance to see me graduate high school you never got the chance to see me cry for you you never got the chance to see me get accepted into university you never got the chance to see me in my first pair of scrubs you never got the chance to see me cry for you you never got the chance to see me use my first stethoscope you never got the chance to see me cry over my first heart break you never got the chance to see me drive {illegally =)} you never got the chance to see me cry for you you never got the chance to see me cry over my first credit card bill {hahaha} you never got the chance to see me cry for you i kno you are looking down on me from above.... but its not the same... i need you here in person i love you nanag; i havent been the same since you left =( im just a silly little girl missing her grandmother.... with all her heart post comment

hahaha [13 Jan 2007|07:49pm] you know whose hot? Heath Ledger =) ok bye 1 comment|post comment

2006; lets see what ive done [30 Dec 2006|09:04pm] [ mood | bored ] this is such an oxymoron to my previous entry but i dont care; im ba-ba-ba-bored I [♥] was single [♥] got kissed [♥] kissed someone new [ ] made out [ ] made out in a car [ ] kissed in the snow [ ] kissed in the rain [♥] had my heart broken [ ] broke someone else's heart [ ] had a stalker …no personally…but I’ve been stalked by someone else’s… [♥] lost a friend [♥] had a good relationship with someone [ ] came out of my closet [ ] got pregnant [ ] had an abortion [ ] got married [ ] had a divorce [♥ kissed someone of the same sex [♥] met someone that I will never forget [♥] did something I regret [ ] dated someone I thought I loved [ ] lost my true love [♥] lost faith in love [ ] kissed under mistletoe [♥] got a promotion [♥] got a pay raise [♥] changed jobs [ ] lost my job [ ] quit my job for school [ ] dated a co-worker [ ] dated my boss [ ] dated my boss's son/ daughter [ ] got fired from my job [ ] got straight A's [ ] met a teacher who I became friends with [♥] met a teacher who I really hate [ ] found the subject I love [♥] skipped class [♥] skipped school [♥] got in a fight with a classmate [♥] did something I was proud of [♥] discovered a new talent [♥] proved myself an idiot [ ] embarrassed myself in front of the class [ ] fell in love with a teacher [♥] was involved in something that I will never forget [ ] painted a picture [♥] wrote a poem [ ] ran a mile [♥] listened to music I couldn’t stand [♥] double dipped [ ] skinny-dipped [♥] hosted to a sleepover [ ] went to camp [ ] threw a surprise party [♥] laughed till I cried [♥ ] laughed till I peed my pants [♥] flirted shamelessly [ ] visited a foreign country [ ] visited a foreign province [♥] cooked a disastrous meal {hahahaha FLO!} [♥] was part of a rumour heh...heh...heh [♥] lost something important to me [♥] got a gift I love [♥] realized something new about myself [♥] went on a diet [ ] tried to gain weight [♥♥] dyed my hair [♥♥] came close to losing my life [ ] someone close to me died [ ] went to a wild party...unfortunately [♥♥♥♥♥♥♥] drank alcohol [♥♥♥♥♥♥♥] drank alcohol underage [♥] got drunk [ ] got arrested [♥♥♥♥] read a great book [♥♥♥♥] saw a great movie [ ] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry [ ] saw a favorite band live [♥♥♥] did something that I want to tell everyone [♥♥] experienced something new [♥♥♥♥♥♥] made new friends [♥♥♥♥] found out who your real friends are [♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥] lied to your parents [ ] snuck out [ ] got in trouble with police [ ] kissed in a pool [ ] kissed under the stars [ ] smoked [ ] got high [ ] got wasted [♥♥♥] went to a party [♥] had the time of your life [♥♥♥♥] danced [ ] fell out of love [♥] had a crush on someone [ ] changed your sexual preference [♥] swam in a pool [ ] made a snowman [ ] went snowboarding [ ] went sledding [♥] slept in past 2pm [♥] held someone’s hand that you care about [ ] got wasted in a public place [ ] got wasted in Mexico [ ] told someone you like them as more than a friend [ ] gone on vacation [ ] gone on vacation with a friend [♥] driven a car [ ] played strip poker [♥] danced in the rain....ran [ ] rode a bike in the snow [ ] got in a car accident [ ] seen someone get in a car accident [♥] got in a fist fight...hmm prolly [♥♥♥] laughed until you couldn't breathe [ ] had an amazing year [♥] missed someone [ ] got hit by a car [ ] sent someone to the hospital [♥♥] got a new pet [♥] enjoyed this year overall... bleh i guess post comment

t-minus one day [30 Dec 2006|08:57pm] why does this new years seem so crummy *sigh i really miss you post comment

babbling [28 Dec 2006|11:00am] [ mood | restless ] ok so, its the 27th && the holiday season is over { well to me it is cuz new years is consider shit to me } &&& im BORED out of my mind! im actually considering calling work to see if they need me like no one is available to chill, no one wants to chill, im just like sitting on my bed; watching tv { my brand new flat screen LCD tv =D } i think i might start doing some school crap =S im actually considering starting that damn essay for my theory class *sigh; fuck yo im so restless right now i just want to someone right now *sigh you know who you are even though you dont have this and is prolly at work but i just want to see you bleh i dont have the courage to call you hahahahah im chicken shit; im prolly the onli person who would admit to that =) post comment

rambles [21 Dec 2006|09:17pm] [ mood | bitchy ] ok; nothing happened today like i just sat around; went out for 5 minutes to grab a slice then... just like watched the family channel for most of the day so what does grace do when shes bored? she dyes her hair =) HAH; so yah i hav no more blonde... so i used like a reddish colour crap (it was on sale; hahahahaha) &&& yah i unno you see no more blonde; i really dont know exactly what i did to my hair... hopefully its shown more when i straighten it =) &&& another thing i was just thinking and shit and i really....really need to think about who my friends are.... like i understand i havent see most of these people for a while now but honestly!! like fuck yo like i understand you ahve the common decency to tell me straight up.... but still! like how do you have nerve to say the things you said to me.... damnit! i just feel like cancelling the whole damn thing all together 1 comment|post comment

on a lighter note [18 Dec 2006|08:01pm] not working on my birthday can you say "saaa-weeeet" hahahaha; all plans go as usual =D post comment

remembrance [18 Dec 2006|07:59pm] hi chris; its me again just here to tell you to keep resting in peace =) homie its been a year; miss you like mad but still it will be good one day.... see ya when i see ya homie december 17th, 2005 post comment

=) [17 Dec 2006|06:00pm] [ mood | blah ] yay; schools done til the new year =) really happy i get at least some sort of break but the downside is.... i have to WORK gah =S but eh; money i guess... well thats what people tell me to think of "think of the money grace" im like *sigh sure sure i guess; bleh time to watch some tv o0o0o0o0oh; i havent said that in a while =) post comment

*sigh [11 Dec 2006|08:29pm] *ahem..... a poem... by she to thee must learn.... must learn yes yes not to dive in head first assuming that he... that she? fo eva? hardly; you jest never never said she?! how dare you said he! speaking nonsence? ohhh most definitly, oh very much so; thanks for trying is it really there? living? breathing? surviving? noo... not this time; not never... not ever till next time said she?! no never; your on ur own kiddoe said he! darkness, my new best friend... hello there said she i will follow i promise said he into the dark said she?! yes yes always said he then.... why... am i alone? said she hello? he.... where is he said she?! but he promised said she?! *sigh, when will she learn that he? will he? never he? always she.... forever she... alone said she?! i must learn.... yes yes not to dive in head first that never fo eva, eva eva said she he was never he, he was a fake said she?! wait.... said he im here, im here; said he never... never again, will i fall... dive in... for he, said she... ohhhhhhh; O.o - end - post comment

remember [25 Nov 2006|09:47pm] [ mood | indescribable ] happy birthday chris =) i know our friendship didn't get as far as we both wanted it to be and that the only reason why we got so close is because of drama and shit i still want to wish you a happy birthday and that i still miss you and that you will forever be my one and only homie for life =) im still gonna wait for that day when we get to chill "homie style" Love you for life; see you when i see you =) post comment

random thoughts once once more [23 Nov 2006|10:51pm] *sigh; here i am thinking that i can actually focused on school for once in my life; but sadly when your mind wanders you focus more on that then anything else random thought one: school; exam time is looming near; of course of course i have an essay; philosophy assignment, & three exams all before december 15th, after that im free for three weeks then im back to the beginning for 3 more months *sigh thats life random thought two: my birthday =D its officially one month til my birthday {hooorah}, which basically means im one year older, one year wiser && all that crap. But honestly i had alot, and i mean alot of plans i wanted to do for the big 1-9 but whatevr; right now i just want to go out with the people i call my friends & do what young teenagers do {at this point in time; you can fill in what ever perverted fantasies you have about what exactly young teenage girls do} random thought three: my hair; yes yes i always comment about my hair; bleh im getting bored with my random blondage; i want to change it up; some how... any suggestions? im open to anything =); well not anything, something that will suit me of course random thought four: glasses. ok like i think im going blinder by the day, and i think i know why. All around me are flashing thingies; those thingies can either be things such as the lappytop, television, and other sorts of doo-dads and what not. I gotta bring back the old paper and pencil technique so that i can give my eyes a rest, but in all honesty, im gotten use to this whole laptop crap &&&& i looooove it random thought five: sleep =( oh how i miss it; i really really do. like i use to be able to like sleep until noon-ish but now sadly im already in class by noon-ish & i cant even stay up that late anymore. Its like as soon as school starts; my body starts to get freakishly tired around 8ish 9ish {its a bloody miracle how im awake right now} but like i just need a break; just give me one day where i can get my "bum" on and just lay around in bed & sleep and do WHATEVR i want in it {*rawr LOL} random thought six: work; fuck i hate this word.... yes yes i kno i need the money; what university student doesn't? but its just the plain fact that there always constantly bothering me to work, using the fact that i need money to their advantage, by scheduling me on ridiculous floors, sometimes on my own, for either 8-12 hours. Like there is a reason why i fill out an availability form isnt there? so that you know when im available & that you DO NOT call me on my days off asking me to work; like they have my cell phone number memorized; & mind you i didnt give it to them, it was my loveable mother, who thinks that i should work every bloody day, so that i always have a dollar in my pocket. Like i understand where she is coming from & i know her intensions are good but still; cut me some slack, please i beg of you. I physically cannot balance this hectic school work load with working full time hours random thought seven: career: ok; like honestly i was talking to a friend today about what exactly we want to be in our lives; mind you it really isnt what we are majoring in school. but the scariest part of it all is that we cannot see ourselves as anything else. Like we were thinking for a good 10 minutes and just stated "honestly, this is scary, why cant i see myself as anything else?" you know why? because they programmed this framework into our head, & stated that this is what you want in life, so stick to it random thought eight: Cars: lol i want one; but i think i should get my g2 first {YES YES I KNO i dont have my license yet; screw me} like i can drive i just do it... illegally =) its just that ive heard all these horror stories of the testing people with there whole turn here, go faster WTF r u doing and the whole YOU FAIL YOU FAAAAAAAAAAAIIILLL yah.... not the type of stuff i want to hear right now.... ill get my g2 soon.... i promise random thought nine: presents; hahahahaha yay!!! i updated the birthday list *score. but like in all honestly when people look at this list, they automatically assume im this materialistic person, but cut me some damn slack, this only happens once a damn year & to make matters worse im so freakishly close to christmas; they pull the whole one present for both days thing so like im allowed to ask for rediculus items; even know i know too damn well that im not gonna get that $3,000 platinum diamond bow tie necklace from tiffany's &co *sigh {or my BenQ cellphone; heck evenmy simple "g" pendant from tiffany's *sigh x2} random thought ten: boys; boys are dumb! especially one in particular if she says it over; DONT call her again; dont try to win her back, dont try to take advantage of her in that way; like there no reason why she should waste her precious energy; and mines as well thinking or even speaking of you; so get the hint when she says FUCK OFF AND STAY AWAY FROM ME FOR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE random thought eleven: friends; friends are weird, like i can go on and on and on about this specific subject; but i choose not too because it would make me really really really mad random thought twelve: churros; i want some; i want some hot ones...... mmmmmmmm... churros random thought thirteen: pericings; gah; i want my effin barbell back; i cant deal with this ring anymore; its soooo annoying; all it does it hang there; bleh post comment

thinking [21 Nov 2006|09:15pm] sometimes i wonder why im here; like why is my life going the way it is why somethings go good & then other things can just fuck up everything. Like sometimes i really have to be hard on myself and think about the actions i do and I have to learn how to make sure that history does not repeat itself. but its sad to say; history is a bitch; and its like an never ending loop.... &&& im caught i could just beat myself up because sometimes im blind; like literally to things until the last minute but at least this time; i didnt embarrass myself & i didnt get in too deep i just gotta keep reminding myself; 3 more weeks & its gone... hopefully forever post comment

blow me [26 Oct 2006|08:59pm] [ mood | annoyed ] i kno i shouldnt be on this thing; because it shows that i have some time to spare, when realistically i dont im like up to my friggin eyebrows in crap to do for school its sometimes overwhelming; but this is what i gotta do to become that super hot nurse i want to be (haha) gahhh; someone pray for me.... october 23rd: theory quiz {two months til my birthday =D} october 24th: research midterm october 25th: patho midterm october 26th: pain module group discussion october 27th: final learning plan due october 30th: philo test #1 october 31st: psycho test #2 { MUST DO GOOD } november 3rd: care plan due =S &&&&&&&& i kno theres more; but im prolly forgetting them post comment

PRACTICAL BIRTHDAY LIST [17 Oct 2006|08:31am] [ mood | blah ] ok; im in class right now; and none of this adult psychology isnt sticking so like here i am ive shown this to some people; but eh decided to post this up so people know what to buy me =D lol i KNO my birthday is like 2 months away, but the reason why im doing is is so that my friends have enough money for MONTREAL, yes i want to go to montreal for the biiiiig day =D basically from December 22nd to December 24th ok ok? so heres the birthday list, and ti goes a little something like this: 1. Sony headphones; you know those big ones? 2. BRAAAAS (yah yah I know I have a lot but still!) size 38C 3. Panties (ohhhh, yah I need panties too LOL) Size: L (cuz I sorta hav a LARGE ass LOL) 4. Bed sheets, I don’t have any pretty ones (twin size) 5. a douvet, I don’t really know what it is, but I want one 6. ankle socks (what??? I need socks yo) 7. MAC makeup, anything that will look good with my complexion (you should all know what I look like) 8. My STATS textbook (I’m dead serious) 9. Photo Frames, I have a freakish amount of pictures all over my room… hmmm 10. Pretty shelves from IKEA, anything from IKEA to make my room pretty 11. Nipnip barbells/Rings (14 gauge 10MM (for barbells)) 12. IPOD speakers 13. A nice boom box (yah I have an ancient radio; it’s a tape player for heavens sake) 14. Purse: Like those big ones, I have a TNA one already, but I want another one (not TNA) just sumtin pretty 15. New Laptop Backpack (mines weird, doesn’t shift weight properly) 16. New Silver Studs (Brenda is waiting for you LOL) 17. New Laptop battery (just in case) my model: VGN-FS640/W (sony VAIO) 18. Printer (I need one for my room, saves me a trip downstairs) 19. Scanner (LOL or if ur nice you can get me one of those printer/scanner/copier thingies) 20. Jewellery: like for some reason im like more of a girl, so anything pretty (and shiny) 21. MITTENS (I already have two pairs, but one more or a few will be nice) 22. Converse Chucks, like the regular white and black ones, ankle length (size 6 mens) 23. Air fresheners (gotta keep the room smelling fresh) 24. a computer chair, like those pretty turning ones 25. desk organizer (like to keep me organized) 26. Book shelves, for my damn textbooks 27. Cocoa butter from the body shop….. mmm body butter =D 28. New body pillow (you knows those longer pillows?) 29. A new wallet, yah yah I kno, but my coach one is boring me 30. A new perfume, I want to smell pretty =) post comment

procrastinatin' [23 Sep 2006|08:04pm] [ mood | listless ] ok, ive been home since like 5 pm and like i should be doing my philosophy crap; but eh im really not intrested in to; ive been doing so many things to not to do it like.... giving myself a shitty pedicure, eating really really hard bread, update the pod, sleep for a while, got banged {somewhat} bleh so yah; i found this on friendster from sabz; so i decided to steal it {har har har} and do it myself =) *** THEN & KNOW *** is there a changes??.. 10 years AGO: sept 23, 1996 Ten years ago, it was 1996. Take this survey, post the results, and see how many things have changed since then. 1) How old were you? *** THEN:8 *** NOW: 18 2) Where did you go to school? *** THEN: Pope Paul Catholic Elementary School *** NOW: 2nd year nursing student; ryerson/ gbc 3) Where did you work? *** THEN: aty home doing my homework; grade 3 dude *** NOW: St. Michael's Hospital 4) Where did you live? *** THEN: Toronto, Ontario *** NOW: Toronto, Ontario 5) How was your hairstyle? *** THEN: Long thick afroish hair, in braids *** NOW: shoulder length, blonde highlighted {still afroish but can be stright} hair 6) Did you wear braces? *** THEN: nope *** NOW: nope 7) Did you wear contacts? *** THEN: nope *** NOW: nope 8 ) Did you wear glasses? *** THEN: nope *** NOW: yep 9) Who was your best friend? *** THEN: Carla =) *** NOW: Carla; Ida; Jessa && others 10) Which of your pets were still alive? *** THEN: Spot and Junior; Black golden retrievers {now living at a farm} *** NOW: Hulk; my turtle supreme 11) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? *** THEN: TONS; hahaha grade 3 slut =) *** NOW: Nah; boys are smelly cept for a few 12) Who was your celebrity crush? *** THEN: Power rangers? i dont remember *** NOW: Jay Hernandez =) if i met him; ohhh the things i would do =D 13) Who was your regular-person crush? *** THEN: hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha no comment =\ *** NOW: hahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha no comment =\ 14) How many piercing/s did you have? *** THEN: 1 on each ear. *** NOW: hahahaha; umm... 4 on right lobe, 3 on left lobe, right logareth done {called daith sometimes?} and left nipnip; i use to my belly done {upper upper} 15) How many tattoos did you have? *** THEN: None *** NOW: My hallmark thingy on my right ankle 16) What was your favorite band/singer? *** THEN: Backstreet boys and spice girls whhhhhhhhheee GIRLPOWER >___> *** NOW: im not a band person; more song wise 17) Had you smoked cigarettes? *** THEN: None *** NOW: Not anymore 18 ) Had you gotten drunk? *** THEN: Not in grade 3 wtf yo; i was gifted for a reason =) *** Now: With cousin ahahahahha BAMBI =S 19) Had you DRIVEN? *** THEN: 3rd grade; the most ive driven is a bike { but u ride those LOL} *** NOW: yah i drive; got no licence but i drive =) 20) If so which car? *** THEN: look above *** NOW: Daddy's, Ida's, brother's... soon to be more now.. looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006? urm; im not ms. canada { my dermetologist; always called me that {long story} } and um other things... im not sad with my life {some parts i am} but all in all i like the way i progressed post comment

rawr [20 Sep 2006|11:08am] [ mood | bouncy ] hahahahahahhahahaha mchotbody has arrived =D LOL jessa 4 comments|post comment

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